On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
