I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
