Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize