Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
