she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
