i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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