He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
