Christians are straight up FREAKS
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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