I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
