Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
