Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
