We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize