Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize