I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize