someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
