told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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