I wanna bring you to show and tell
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Randomize
