It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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