wrigley field is MILF paradise
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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