Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
