Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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