I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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