Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
