i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
