I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
