i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
