So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
