I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize