Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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