We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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