She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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