U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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