what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
