the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
