whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
