My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
