So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
