U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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