I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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