I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Floor bacon is actually really good
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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