I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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