Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
