He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
