Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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