woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
