A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
that is very illegal...i love you.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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