I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
