how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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