I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
