Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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