your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
my poor anus
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
