I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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