were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
