Kiss
Puke
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
