I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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