i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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