12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
