I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
