I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
