I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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