i jhust puked up my retainher.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My brain says no but my pants say off.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
