So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
