I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
