My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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