Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
