Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Its about making memories worth repressing
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
