Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
