You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
