Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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