The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
whose parrot is this?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
