She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
