sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
